Dead Man
by clarabella wandering
Summary: Sometimes, I'll look back and ask myself when I became such a hotshot. I've done almost as much as Hercules. But here's the thing: I don't want to be a hotshot. I don't even want to be Percy Jackson anymore. I'm tired of being a legend. In the words of a famous hobbit: 'I feel thin; like butter spread over too much toast.' I'm all dried up; an empty waterfall. A dead man.


_Hello. Enjoy this one-shot._

_Author: __**Everyone's a Mortal.**_

_Story: _Dead Man._**  
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_Disclaimer: _All rights go to Rick Riordan, who thought of Percy Jackson first._**  
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_Summary: _Sometimes, when the blood is still pouring fast and strong, I'll look back and ask myself when I became such a hotshot. I've done almost as much as Hercules. You name it, I've done it -or will do it, without meaning to. But here's the thing: I don't want to be a hotshot. I don't even want to be Percy Jackson anymore. I'm tired of being a legend. In the words of a famous hobbit: _I feel thin, like butter spread over too much toast. _I'm out of life, an empty waterfall.

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_"Don't get to close  
It's dark inside.  
It's where my demons hide,  
It's where my demons hide."  
~__**Imagine Dragons.**_

_ "But, I guess to tell you my grim tale, I'll have to start from the beginning. So, once upon a time..."  
__**~Anonymous.**_

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_**Empty Waterfall.**_

_By __Everyone's a Mortal._

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A long time ago, I liked it. I actually truly liked being the hero that everyone talked about. I got jealous when people talked about Thalia, or Clarisse, or Annabeth like that. I'd think, _they should talk like that about me_. And when they did, when I was the hero... I loved it.

But I don't anymore.

It kinda makes me feel pathetic, how arrogant I used to be. If you wrote a book about me, you could see. At around the time of the battle of the labrynth, or the Second Titan War, I got cocky. Especially after the Styx. I mean, everyone loved me. I became _the _Percy Jackson, son of the sea god, Poseidon. I was the new Hercules.

It's horrible.

I'm not a hero. I'm not perfect. I'm not, and people look at me like I am. I'll gladly lead my people -Greek or Roman- because they're like family, but as time goes on, they expect me to be perfect and... I can't. I just can't. I've got up an act that even Annabeth can't see through because it only comes down deep in the night when I'm sitting in my bath tub, water running around me, a knife at my bedside, my anger full because the water just heals it and soon the bathtub's a bloodtub but I don't care. It feels good.

While Annabeth's mask comes down around me, or Piper, and while Reyna's can come down around me too, and obviously Jason has Piper... I can't show my weakness to anyone because, whether Jason likes it or not, I'm the leader. I'm the glue, and the glue can't be weak.

He can _never _be weak.

Annabeth believes I'm dense, and sometimes I am, but truth be told, I do it to make her happy. She's got a lot of friends, but she can trust and be herself around only a few: Grover, Rachel, Piper, me. And all of us are smart. Annabeth likes knowing stuff and explaining them. So that's where I come in.

Happy girlfriend, happy life.

Sorry, I'm getting off topic.

Annabeth expects me to be stupid, but she also expects me to be strong, probably without realizing it. That's why I felt so horrible about being so weak in Tartarus. I could see her, scared to death because her best friend, the boy who's always been strong, was shaking and close to death. He was talking nonsense, and Percy Jackson, however dense, _never _talks nonsense in a life-or-death situation.

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I died. Would people still talk about me? Would they wake up and say, "What's Percy going to lead us in today?" And then remember I was dead?

I mean, I wouldn't ever do it. It's just... when you're a demigod, death is awfully close.

My mask comes off in the middle of the night, and there I lie, covered in sweat, heart beating fast, my chest rising and falling. My hear beats fast, and there, you can see it: my face is scared. It's the face of someone who is tired, who doesn't know what he's doing, who wakes up hidden every day. It's the face of a person who has to hide fear.

The face of a boy who could not show that he is always worried about his mother and stepfather. It's the face of someone who's biggest fear is losing his friends, because, should he lose them he'll lose himself. It's the face of what most people know as a hero. But truth be told, he's a boy. It's my face, and all the emotion I hide.

Annabeth once told me that, "There is nothing to fear but fear itself." I didn't know what she meant, at the time. But now I understand her. I understand that, you can't give into fear.

Fear gives in to you.

Hazel and Frank both confided to me once, that I come of so intimidating and powerful, like a real hero. That I am the strongest demigod they've ever met. What would they say if they could see me now, what would I come off as now? I'm not who i say I am. And perhaps I never will be. I'm not stupid. I'm not dumb. I'm scared. I've got on my happy go-lucky mask ... but as I lie here, naked and sweating, I am terrified.

Sometimes, when the blood is still pouring fast and strong, I'll look back and ask myself when I became such a hotshot. I've done almost as much as Hercules. You name it, I've done it -or will do it, without meaning to. But here's the thing: I don't want to be a hotshot. I don't even want to be Percy Jackson anymore. I'm tired of being a legend. In the words of a famous hobbit: _I feel thin, like butter spread over too much toast. _I'm out of life, an empty waterfall.

Sometimes, I wonder when I dried up. As the son of Poseidon, it should be impossible but I've found it's not. Fear woke me up only to close me down, and leadership is taking it's toll on me. I'm growing old, by demigod standards. Nothing lasts forever. I'll die soon, though by monster, god, Titan, demigod or spirit, that is yet to be seen. All I know is that I am successfully hidsing myself, and that to most people, I look like a full glass, or at least half full, when I'm empty.

My name is Percy Jackson, and I'm an empty waterfall.

I'm a dead man.

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_"I give up."_**  
~Anonymous.**

_"What a slut time is. She screws everyone."  
**~John Green.**_


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